I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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