i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
