my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
