Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You've changed since you got that strap on
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
