I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
