I think my vagina is haunted
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
