I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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