u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
