I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
