Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
