help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
