In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
