fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
