Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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