He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she told me i tasted like america
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
