i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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