it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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