i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
