SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
