I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
