If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
