Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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