Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
