Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
