so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still have a little drunk in my system
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
