And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
