I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
