After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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