I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Where is the hickey?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
