i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
