i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
