Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
