I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
