Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
