you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
