I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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