the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
