You smell like stripper and shame
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
