he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
