you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think your dad took our porno
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
