Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize