Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
