Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
