Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
