he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
