he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
