I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
