I can tuck mytits in my pants
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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