They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
