there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
