According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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