Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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