Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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