hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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