Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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