I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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