Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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