are you still at the devil's house?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
