i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize