with your own penis?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
