Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Two words: blizzard sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
