apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
