I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
