I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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