Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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