Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
